“Over 31 yrs ago I had my first of 3 abortions. I was brought up in a strict Catholic/Pro-life home. David was my first boyfriend and within 4 months of losing my virginity I became pregnant. My parents had once told me they would send me to a girls home if I ever got pregnant..and I would have to put the baby up for adoption. David didn't want to be a father at 17. Both he and his dad tried to convince me that it was not a baby yet...even though I knew differently..my mom was a NICU nurse....I knew human development...but I went ahead with it because I was scared. I didn't want to leave my home. I didn't want to put my baby up for adoption knowing I would not have family support and at that time I didn't think I could raise a baby, I didn't want to abort...but I did. And I did it again and once again. David and I eventually parted ways after about 4 years.
Fast forward to November 2017. David found me on Facebook and messaged me. We ended up talking on phone. He regretted the past and apologized to me. He said he was listening to the wrong voice (his dad). I had buried my past so deep in me. I rarely thought about the babies. I would here and there through the years but it was too painful. I realize now that I was carrying not just my burden but David’s as well. With his apology it opened that wound that needed to be healed. Abortion scars...some physically and some mentally and some both.
After sinking hundreds of dollars in therapy and counseling and time into support groups I am on my journey to forgiveness. It is a very heavy cross to bear. Although I know I have been forgiven it is hard to forgive yourself, which can eat away at you. I now think about my babies every single day but now it is with more peace. Abortion is a quick fix physically but a long term pain mentally. I will never forget my past..it will always haunt me.” -Denise
