“I once believed that it was a woman’s choice. Then I had a baby and when she was a yr I got pregnant again. I was so scared that I couldn’t have another baby. I wouldn’t be able to support two and the father was not thrilled to find out I was pregnant again. I decided that it would be best to have an abortion. I thought I was making the right decision. I was only 9 weeks. I thought it would be no big deal. I sat there waiting my turn feeling like It was forever. Waiting for the father to call me and tell me to leave that we would figure it out, but that call never came.
The moment it started I instantly regretted it.
As I left plan parenthood the amount of sorrow was overwhelming. Something that was suppose to give me relief now caused my heart to ache. The emotions that ran through me in the next few days overwhelmed me to the point of thoughts of suicide. I couldn’t even look at my daughter. And I hated her father. All I wanted to do is end my life. I thought to myself how could anyone be happy about having an abortion. This was the biggest mistake of my life. Something that has changed me forever. I will never feel the same as I did before. It didn’t liberate me. It didn’t empower me. It didn’t make my life better in anyway. The depression consumed my life and left me hollow. Knowing what I did. I am ashamed of myself I will never forgive myself. I think a lot about what I did and have begged god to forgive me. I don’t know if he ever will and honestly I don’t know if I even deserve to be forgiven. I think about the baby all the time and I always seem to become very depressed around the time I had the abortion and the expected due date. I dream about what that baby would of been like and how much love I could of given it. I feel like there are more women out there like me that thought they would be ok and realized to late the feels and emotions they would feel would be devastating.
And now I try to talk women out of being pro choice. I feel like maybe if I can save one girl from making the same mistake I made. If I can save one baby from the fate my child had. That maybe just maybe god will forgive me.” - M