"My husband and I were expecting a baby a year into our marriage. We were excited and nervous as most expectant parents are. After my 18 week ultrasound, we got some unexpected news. Our baby was not well. There was swelling around his body and his chest cavity had too much fluid. From that day on, my pregnancy was like a rollercoaster ride with weekly ultrasounds at a special pregnancy clinic and plenty of tests.

I remember being asked if we would consider abortion. It was never a question in our minds. Even though in our culture and with our situation, it was an obvious question for the doctors to ask, we were still surprised by it. God blessed us with this baby and whether he survived this pregnancy or not or was born with medical problems or not, we felt his future was up to God and not us. We knew if this baby was born with any special needs, that God would equip us for whatever was to come and we were ready to trust in his plan for us.

The pregnancy was difficult at times and we had surgery to remove fluid from both the baby and I a few weeks before his birth. Our baby boy Kevin was born 4 weeks early and was 10 lbs 4 ounces. The first week of his life we watched him hooked up to more things than we could imagine and sedated so he would not fight the ventilator that helped him breath. The doctors told us he was oversized and his lungs were weak and that he had a partial cleft palate, a floppy airway, etc, etc, etc. Through all this, we were scared but we still felt blessed that he was born at all. It took 3 months plus a week, but Kevin came home and spent a month at home with us. At 4 months our son had a spell that stopped his breathing and he had a cardiac arrest. He was given CPR and rushed to hospital. Brain surgery was done soon after that and then recovery for a few months. I remember being amazed every day when I came in to see him, no matter how sick Kevin was, he would smile as soon as he heard my voice and saw my face. When I couldn’t be there with him at night, I would pray that he was well cared for and that he would know God’s presence and that all those around him would too. All his nurses told us there was “just something about him”. They couldn’t put their finger on it but they just had to be with him.

We had 4 amazing months at home with Kevin after he recovered. At 9 months of age our little boy got sick and his body just could not recover. We were so heartbroken.

Mother’s day was a few months after our son died. My husband gave me a card that I will never forget. It said, “You are still a mother even though our son is not in your arms but in Jesus arms.” That meant the world to me. To this day I still know, our son Kevin was a beautiful gift and I would not trade those 9 months for anything in the world. Every, smile, every cry, every cuddle, I ever had with him, were gifts and no one can ever take those moments away from me, his mom." - Heidi